My mom is the hugest idiot I know. Seriously. She told me this lady cut us off because we had XM radio and she didn't, and she was pissed. Then she just looked at me after five minutes of silence and said, "I have these pills, they're like valium, they help you relax. I have another bottle if you want this one." Then she proceeded to hand me the bottle. I think they're more like Vicidin than valium, but whatever. I'll let her drunk ass mind think whatever it wants.
That's the problem with alcoholics. They're constantly in a state of being utterly fucking stupid. I can't talk to my mom anymore about anything. She only half listens, and you can be in the middle of something huge, like "hey, it's the armageddon!" and they'd interrupt with, "THAT'S MY SONG! TURN IT UP!" Mind you, I don't mind being drunk myself, because then I can tolerate other drunks, and I don't really have to deal with myself so that's alright. But being sober around a drunk, especially a drunk like my mother, it's the hardest thing. She's so fucking stupid. I just can't stand it. So I let her ramble and everyonce in a while I'll nod or say, "yeah..." What else can you do, right?
But it's her stupidity that makes me dislike her which makes me feel better about letting her pay for everything, like my awesome Subway lunch. Mmm... it was good. She'll probably offer me some money here shortly, before she runs off to the bar, and I'll gladly accept and not even think twice. It's partially her guilt torwards being a shitty mother, and partially my resentment for her that makes this such a wonderful situation. I know I sound horrible right now, but I'm bitter at the moment. I had a wonderful day up until the point that I let her know where I live.
I showed her my place, figuring she at some point in time needs to know where exactly I'm located. I took her in, and Tim was there about to leave for class. What does she do? She lays into him about not paying for my birth control. Yeah, real nice. See, I don't have money, and I told her so. She asked about my birth control and that was my answer. She goes, "oh, no problem, I'll pay for it." So, I said okay, promising her I'd pay her back. I figured it was no big deal because she was cool about it. LESSON: Drunks are unpredictable. As soon as she saw Tim she rips into him about how she's not going to pay for the bullshit anymore, because she's not paying for us to have sex, yadda yadda yadda. Tim just gave me the most incredulous look, and I felt so bad. So, thanks to my mother, I now most likely have to have a fight with Tim about it. He doesn't completely understand my mother either. He thinks she nice and I don't give her enough credit. I said she's only like that in front of other people, but once you get her behind closed doors, the fangs come out and she'll rip your head off. He doesn't believe me. Maybe now he will.
So Tim took off after the retarded lecture that is going to potentially spark WW3, and my mom sits on the couch, and asks if she can have a cigarette. As I'm saying no and about to explain that Bryan doesn't like smoke and that she should smoke out on the balcony, she lights up. What the fuck is the point in asking if you're not going to listen? And after I tell her to go onto the porch, she starts yelling about how she can smoke wherever the fuck she wants and she can do what she wants and she doesn't have to listen to me. Talk about disrespect. I was fuming. So I went outside, pulled the truck up, went back inside and kicked her ass out. What a bitch. Then when I told her how disrespectful she was being she went off on a 20 minute schpeal about how no one ever respects her so why should she have to respect me. The only reason I didn't turn down the dirt road and make sure she was never seen alive again is because she was going to pay for me to go tan. She's lucky.
Then on the way home, she just kept ripping into me about all my business and yadda yadda yadda. And I kept thinking wow, I was having the greatest day before I came home. I should have just let Tim do all the laundry and I could have gone and had fun today. I hate it when I try to be a good person and it backfires on me. But I guess all in all it's alright. I got a free lunch, my birth control paid for, a free tanning session, my laundry done along with whatever else she threw in my car. Fireworks, some water, and my cool cell phone cover I had back in the day. Along with a new CD wallet. I'm still in a decent mood, but it's tainted alot now. It could still get better. I might go fishing with Tim if he's still up to it after class. I haven't gone fishing in so long, I'm kind of excited. Plus, tonight I have to make good on my bet that I lost on a fooseball game. He bet me I had to drink one beer for every point he made. He won the game, so I have to finish the beer. He has to drink three or four. Meaning, I'll be drunk.
Ha, that was nice. I left my keys in the pickup and my mom brought them to me and she just said, "I was going to lock them in there and make you come hunt me down to find them... but I didn't." Gee, thanks Mom for looking out for me. Go to the bar already, I'm tired of looking at you.
So, last night Tim and I had a really great talk. We kind of recconected and rehashed everything and cleared the air between us. It was nice. Refreshing. I told him I had no problem with him moving out if that's what he really needed to do. I mean, he did have a great set up at home. An awesome bedroom with everything he needed and wanted. Awesome parents and a family that just generally got along awesomely. His dad is a fucking class A chef, so he had awesome meals to look forward to for lunch and dinner. His mom even cooked his breakfast. So, you know. I totally understand if he wants to move out. I can afford living there with just Bryan now, so it's no biggie. In fact, I'm thinking it's a good thing if he moves out. We drive each other crazy, and living together has just strained our relationship so much. So, I'm completely okay with it. And we talked about a bunch of other stuff that's been bothering both of us, and it just feels like the air is clear now, like there's nothing between us. He even promised to take awesome care of the kitty when it comes time for me to move. We talked about that too, my future and where I'm going to be in 6 months. It's crazy that thinking about it just puts everything into perspective. It really has helped me, honestly. I mean, I just have opened my mind more to the future, instead of being completely apathetic about it, I realized I need to embrace it and realize how much it holds for me. I don't know, I just woke up thinking that the world was great this morning and that no matter what the ultimate end of everything is, I'll be alright. It feels good to be able to think that and actually believe it. I'm tired of being depressed and sad and worried and scared and lonely. I'm happy with me, and that's what matters. And I've let go of Tim, meaning when it's over, it won't hurt as bad. I'll just be glad it happened. I mean, I'm still happy with him, but I'm not clinging onto him like he's the only reason I'm still breathing today. He's there for company and laughter and conversation and fooseball, but I don't need him. I just enjoy him. I care about him strongly, and I know he cares about me too. I honestly just have nothing to worry about in that sphere of things. I'm going to just let everything go and just enjoy life. We had fun this morning too. He woke me up with a huge hug and a great big kiss and wrapped me up in his arms and we fell back asleep. Then I was going to give him a kiss before I left, but he grabbed me and we got into a huge tickle war. It was a good war compared to the one we had last night. He was kicking my ass in fooseball, but don't you dare think I wasn't making him work for it. I was so irritated and frusturated by the twelfth game, that I tackled him into the chair and tried to pinch his nipples as hard as I could. I was mean. We were fighting so much, not to be jerks, but we were still being assholes to each other, but in a funny way. I don't know, it's hard to expalin. We were fighting like enemines but not taking it seriously, or personally, we were just cracking up at each other. I wanted to fucking kick his ass though in fooseball and was pissed off that I didn't that I almost cried. Yes, I know you're thinking, we're taking the game far too seriously. But you don't understand. I haven't been winning hardly any games lately, and it's irritating me because he harps on me about how badly I suck and just gets me so competative, that I can't help it. So we play fooseball until the wee hours of morning, and he goes to bed content everynight that he won. Just once I'd like to school him and make him bow down and kiss my feet. Wait... he still owes me a foot massage. I'm making good on that one tonight baby, oh yeah. Either way, yeah, we've gotten into fooseball. But it's fun still. Just very competative as of late.
So now that I'm done rambling... Um.... yeah. I'm going to Pinedale again this weekend. I don't know if I mentioned that, but I'm really excited about it. I'm going without Tim too (I think) so I'm looking forward to that as well. A nice vacation with Meagan, Andi, and Linds. It should be a good time. But... I have a sugar cookie waiting for me out in the living room, and a TV remote calling my name, so I'll stop rampaging about everything. I'm just irritated as fuck with my mother right now and I'm doing this to avoid talking to her anymore. She drives me loco.